"But They're a Stranger." What the Data Says About Who Harms Older Adults

Consider an example: an older homeowner might ask, "How do I know this person won't hurt me?"

It is often the first question older homeowners ask us. For example, it might come from a daughter calling from two states away, or from a woman who has lived in the same house since 1978 and knows every creak in the floorboards.

It should be the first question. Deciding who gets a key to your home is one of the biggest decisions you will make. Let's look at the numbers, then at what can lower the risk. If you weigh all of this and decide you would rather not share your home, that is a reasonable answer.

What to know

Elder abuse is real, and it is common. About one in 10 Americans 60 and older experiences some form of abuse or neglect in a given year¹. Only about one in 24 cases is ever reported to authorities².

Financial exploitation is the most common kind, and the most costly. Older adults lose an estimated $28.3 billion a year to it³.

It also helps to ask "who is doing it?" The answer may surprise you.

Why it exists

The concern has deep roots. Plenty of people grew up being told never to let strangers in, and for good reason. The news covers the rare terrible story; nobody runs a segment on, for example, a retired teacher and a nursing student who split the grocery list and watch Jeopardy together.

And older adults really are targeted. People 60 and older filed about one in five internet crime complaints in 2025 but lost $7.7 billion, more than a third of all reported losses⁴.

Why it deserves respect

A concern about who has a key to your home is sound. Letting someone live with you means giving them daily access to your space and routines. That concern deserves real answers, not reassurance, even if the answers do not change your mind.

What the evidence tells us

• Most abuse comes from people the older adult already knows. In federal Adult Protective Services data, about 63% of victims were related to the person who harmed them, most often an adult child (21.6%)⁵. On a national elder abuse resource line, only 6.7% of callers did not know their abuser⁶.
• Most financial losses come from people the victim knows. About 72% of the $28.3 billion lost each year, roughly $20.3 billion, is taken by family, friends, and caregivers. Strangers account for about 28%³.
• Strangers mostly strike from a distance. About 80% of bank reports of elder financial exploitation involve scams, often by people who never set foot in the home⁷.
• A careful matching process means the person is no longer completely unknown by move-in day. By then, their identity has been verified, you have spoken with references, you have met more than once, you have talked through habits, guests, and money in compatibility conversations, and you have a written agreement. That is not a guarantee about how someone will behave.
• Some home providers report feeling safer. In HomeShare Vermont's participant survey, 79% of matched home providers said they feel safer at home⁸. That is participant-reported, not proof that home sharing makes people objectively safer.

The takeaway is not "there is no risk." A well-structured home share cannot eliminate risk, but screening, clear boundaries, outside contacts, and written agreements can reduce some of the conditions in which exploitation goes unnoticed. The person you share a home with could also become the source of secrecy or pressure: discouraging visitors, offering to "help" with bills, or asking for access they do not need. The safeguards below need to keep working for the whole match.

Ways to lower the barrier

• Use background checks intentionally. Ask what a check covers (criminal records, sex offender registries, eviction history) and which states and years it searches. Read every line yourself, and ask the person about anything flagged; how they answer tells you a great deal.
• Check references and verify identity. See a government-issued ID, and speak with people who have lived with the person before.
• Meet in public first, then at home with a family member or friend present.
• Consider an initial trial period if permitted and structured appropriately under your local laws. A trial period does not necessarily override tenant or occupancy rights, so ask a local legal aid office how it works where you live.
• Keep your money separate. The person you share a home with never needs your bank details, passwords, a power of attorney, or a role in your will.
• Keep people in the loop. Tell a trusted friend or family member who is living with you, schedule regular check-ins, and agree ahead of time on what would count as a warning sign, such as being discouraged from seeing friends.

Conversation starters

If you are an adult child or friend raising home sharing with an older adult:

• "I know the idea of a stranger in the house worries you. Can we look at how the checks work together?"
• "What would you need to know about someone before you would feel comfortable?"
• "Would it help if I were there for the first meeting? And if we look into it and it is not for you, that is a fine answer."

If you are an older adult talking with family or caregivers:

• "I've been reading about how home sharing matches are checked. I'd like you to look at it with me before you decide how you feel."
• "I'm weighing the risks of living alone against the risks of having someone here. I haven't decided, and I may decide no."
• "If someone does move in, will you be my trusted contact and check in with me?"

A well-structured home share cannot eliminate risk, but it can reduce some of the conditions in which exploitation goes unnoticed.

Home sharing and older adults

Home sharing works at any age. Older adults are one of the fastest-growing groups sharing a home with someone who is not family⁹. The same safeguards apply at every age.

Last reviewed September 25, 2026