Pets, Smoking, Guests, and the Thermostat

Consider an example: a home provider might say, "I'm not giving up my dog."

Then the dog goes at the top of your list. The same goes for the home seeker who cannot live with cigarette smoke, the home provider who keeps the house at 72 degrees all winter, and the person who likes having the grandchildren over every Sunday.

These are not small things, even if they sound small. They are the fabric of daily life, and they are often what people worry about when they picture sharing a home. They are also some of the most practical things to talk about openly, as long as you talk about them before anyone moves in.

What to know

Programs match on the everyday things that decide whether a home share lasts: smoking, pets, working from home, how often guests visit, and even the temperature of the house¹.

That tells you something useful. Coverage of home sharing often reaches for the Golden Girls, but the part that decides whether a real home share works is less about chemistry and more about who smokes, who has a cat, and where the thermostat sits. Two very different people can share a home well if their daily lives fit. Two people who seem alike can struggle if one smokes on the porch and the other has asthma.

The list usually includes a handful of familiar topics:

• Pets: who has them, who is allergic, who is uneasy around dogs, and who will feed the cat when you travel.
• Smoking and vaping: inside, outside, or not at all.
• Guests: daytime visits, overnight stays, and partners who might visit often.
• Temperature: where the thermostat sits and who pays when it goes up.
• Noise and schedules: early mornings, late nights, TV volume, and working from home.
• The kitchen: shared food or separate shelves, cooking smells, and dishes.

Why it exists

These are the details of daily life, and they are hard to change. Some of them also touch on health: smoke, allergies, and a cold or overheated house can affect breathing, sleep, and comfort, so they are worth discussing carefully.

There is a personal side, too. If you have made compromises for years, for a spouse, for children, or for a job, you may be very clear now about what you want to keep: the dog, the warm house, the Sunday dinners. Being asked to give those up can feel like a real loss, and it is reasonable to decide you will not.

Why it deserves respect

A deal-breaker is honest information. Naming it early saves both people from a bad fit.

Some people worry that being clear will make them seem rigid, or that it will scare off every possible match. But vagueness is what leads to trouble. For example, when someone says, "Oh, I'm flexible," and then bristles every time a visitor stays late, nobody wins. Being clear helps you and the person who might share your home decide honestly.

What the evidence tells us

A deal-breaker narrows your options, and that is part of the point. It points you toward people whose habits already fit. A home seeker who loves dogs is not a consolation prize for a dog owner. They may be the best fit.

Pets matter to many people: 83% of pet owners 50 to 80 say their pet gives them a sense of purpose². For some home seekers, a friendly animal is part of what makes a house feel like home. For others, an allergy or a past experience makes it a deal-breaker of their own.

It is also worth separating true deal-breakers from strong preferences. "No smoking anywhere on the property" might be a deal-breaker. "I'd rather not have overnight guests on weeknights" might be a preference you can talk through. Knowing the difference gives you room to say yes to a good person without giving up what matters.

Sometimes the list shows that no available match fits right now. Sometimes it shows that you would rather keep living on your own terms. Both are useful answers.

Ways to lower the barrier

• Sort your preferences into three lists: must-haves, nice-to-haves, and deal-breakers. Do it on paper, at the kitchen table, before you meet anyone.
• Put the must-haves in your profile, plainly. "Friendly older dog lives here" or "smoke-free home, including the porch" saves everyone time.
• Ask the same questions of every person you meet. It keeps conversations fair and helps you compare fit honestly.
• Write the details into your agreement: pet care, smoking outdoors or not at all, overnight guests, and thermostat range. Include who covers pet-related damage and how much notice a guest visit needs.
• Call your insurance agent about pets. The answer depends on your policy. Here is what to ask: Does my coverage change once another person lives here? Does my liability coverage apply if my dog injures the person I share my home with or their guest? Is their pet covered under my policy or theirs?
• Plan a check-in. After the first month, revisit the list together. Habits look different in real life than on paper.

Conversation starters

If you are an adult child or friend raising home sharing with an older adult:

• "What would you never be willing to live with? Let's start there."
• "Would you want someone who loves dogs as much as you do?"
• "If your list rules out everyone for now, that is a fine answer too."

If you are an older adult talking with family or caregivers:

• "Here is my list of non-negotiables. Help me make sure I don't bend on them just to get a match."
• "I want to keep the house warm and the dog on the couch. Can you help me find someone who is happy with that?"
• "Will you sit in on my first conversation with a possible match and listen for anything I miss?"

A deal-breaker is honest information, and naming it early saves both people from a bad fit.

Home sharing and older adults

Home sharing works at any age. Older adults are one of the fastest-growing groups sharing a home with someone who is not family³.

Last reviewed September 25, 2026