Are You Too Set in Your Ways to Share a Home?

Consider an example: an older homeowner might say, "I've lived alone for twenty years. I eat when I want, I leave the radio on all day, and I like my towels folded in thirds. I'm too set in my ways."

It is one of the most common things people say when home sharing comes up, and it is usually said with a smile. Underneath it is a real question: after decades of doing things your own way, could you make room for someone else's way, too?

This guide takes that question seriously. It helps you sort the routines that keep you well from the ones that are simply familiar, and it looks at what research says about how people adapt later in life.

What to know

Having routines does not make you hard to live with. Everyone who has run a household has them. What matters in a shared home is not whether you have habits, but whether your habits and another person's can sit comfortably side by side.

It helps to sort your routines into three groups:

• Essential to your well-being. Things tied to your health, safety, sleep, or peace of mind. Taking medication at set times, a quiet house after 9 p.m. because you sleep lightly, a clear path to the bathroom at night, a morning walk your doctor recommended.
• Strong preferences. Things that make a day feel like yours. The radio in the kitchen, dinner at five, the good chair by the window.
• Just habit. Things you do because you always have. The towels folded in thirds. The dishes washed right away, or left until morning.

Essential needs are worth protecting, and a good match will fit around them. Strong preferences are worth naming, so a possible match can decide whether they fit. Habits in the third group are often the easiest to share, bend, or simply keep in your own room.

For the specific habits that most often become deal-breakers, such as pets, smoking, guests, and the thermostat, see our guide "Pets, smoking, guests, and the thermostat." For protecting your privacy and routines in a shared home, see "Your home, still yours."

Why it exists

Routines are efficient. Once a habit is set, you no longer have to think about it, which frees your attention for everything else. Over years, those habits become part of how a household runs and part of how you stay independent.

There is also an old story that people stop changing after a certain age. Many of us heard it growing up and may have come to believe it about ourselves.

Why it deserves respect

You earned your routines. They reflect what you have learned about what works for you, and nobody should ask you to give up the ones that keep you well.

Saying "I'm set in my ways" can also be a kind way of saying "I know myself." That self-knowledge is exactly what makes a good match possible. People who can describe how they live give a possible match honest information to decide with.

What the evidence tells us

People keep changing throughout life. A review that pooled 92 groups of people followed over time found that personality traits continue to shift across adulthood, including in later life. On average, people tend to become more agreeable and more conscientious as they get older¹. Those are both useful qualities when two people share a kitchen.

Older adults tend to report less day-to-day friction. In a study that tracked people's daily lives, older adults reported fewer interpersonal tensions than younger adults, felt less stressed by the tensions they did have, and were less likely to argue². The same study found older adults were more likely to let a tension go without saying anything. That can keep the peace, but in a shared home small annoyances can grow if nobody mentions them, which is why regular check-ins help. Our guide "Handling disagreements and knowing when to get help" has more on that.

You have adapted before, probably many times. Think about the changes you have already made: a new job, a move, marriage or divorce, children arriving and leaving, retirement, caring for someone you love, losing someone, learning to use a smartphone. Each one asked you to rearrange your days. Sharing a home would be another adjustment, not your first.

None of that means sharing a home will suit you. Some people think it through and decide they truly prefer living alone, and that is a fine answer. It does mean the decision can rest on what you want, not on an assumption that you cannot adapt.

Ways to lower the barrier

• Write down an ordinary day. From waking up to going to bed, note what you do and when. Then mark each item "essential," "preference," or "habit."
• Circle the two or three routines you would protect no matter what. Those are the ones to raise early with any possible match.
• Look for schedules that fit, not schedules that match. An early riser and someone who works evenings may barely cross paths in the kitchen. Different can be easier than identical.
• Ask, "What would it take?" For a routine you worry about, picture what would let you keep it in a shared home. A shelf of your own, a set bathroom time, headphones for the late news.
• Use the house itself. Some routines can move to your own room: the reading lamp, the radio, the morning stretches.
• Plan a check-in. Agree to talk after the first few weeks about what is working. Routines on both sides usually settle with time.

Conversation starters

If you are an adult child or friend raising home sharing with an older adult:

• "Which of your routines would you never give up? Let's start there."
• "You changed a lot when you retired. You made that work. What helped?"
• "If it turns out you'd rather keep the house to yourself, that's a fine answer."

If you are an older adult talking with family or friends:

• "I'm not too set in my ways. I know what I need, and that's different."
• "My morning routine stays. Everything else is up for discussion."
• "I'd like to find someone whose day fits around mine, not someone who's just like me."

Knowing your routines is not a reason you cannot share a home. It is what helps you find someone whose life fits alongside yours.

Home sharing and older adults

Home sharing works at any age. Older adults are one of the fastest-growing groups sharing a home with someone who is not family³, as home providers and as home seekers.

Last reviewed September 28, 2026