Getting to Know Yourself: Free Tools for Thinking About Compatibility

Consider an example: a home provider has always described herself as "easy to live with." On a whim, she fills out a free questionnaire about sleep and daily rhythm. It says she is a strong morning type. Suddenly, a roommate from 1974 makes sense: the one who played records until two in the morning and thought she was the difficult one.

Most of us know ourselves pretty well. But it can be hard to put that knowledge into words, especially words a possible match would understand. Free, well-designed questionnaires can help. They give you a vocabulary for your temperament, your daily rhythm, and your strengths, which makes it easier to describe how you live and to ask good questions of someone else.

This guide suggests four free tools, explains what each one can tell you about sharing a home, and is honest about what no questionnaire can do.

Before you start

• These tools describe tendencies, not destiny. Your results are a snapshot of how you see yourself today. They are a starting point for reflection, not a label.
• No tool can tell you who you will live well with. Research on couples and friends finds that having similar personalities matters much less than people expect. Our guide "Compatibility doesn't mean being alike" explains why.
• Protect your information. Some sites ask for an email address or offer paid reports. You do not need to buy anything to use the free versions. Read each site's privacy note, and skip any tool that asks for more personal information than you want to share.
• Paper is fine. Two of the tools below have printable versions. You can also ask a friend or family member to read the questions aloud and help you record your answers.

Four free tools worth your time

1. The Big Five personality test

The "Big Five" is the model of personality most widely used by researchers. It describes five broad traits, each on a scale from low to high. The Open-Source Psychometrics Project offers a free version with 50 short statements, no sign-up required (take it online, or print a paper version). What each trait can mean in a shared home:

• Extraversion: how much you are energized by company. It can shape how much time you want together.
• Agreeableness: how warm and accommodating you tend to be. It can shape how you handle differences.
• Conscientiousness: how organized and tidy you tend to be. It can shape expectations about chores and bills.
• Emotional stability: how easily you are unsettled by stress. It can shape how you handle surprises and disagreements.
• Openness: how much you enjoy new ideas and experiences. It can shape how you feel about someone whose life is very different from yours.

2. The Morningness-Eveningness Questionnaire

This questionnaire asks 19 questions about when you prefer to sleep, wake, and do your best thinking. The result tells you whether you are a morning type, an evening type, or somewhere in between. The Center for Environmental Therapeutics offers a free printable version with scoring instructions¹. For home sharing, this may be the most practical tool on the list. Two people whose daily rhythms clash will feel it in the kitchen and the hallway, and two whose rhythms complement each other may rarely get in each other's way.

3. The VIA Character Strengths Survey

Instead of measuring what you are like, this survey looks at what you are good at: strengths such as kindness, humor, fairness, perseverance, and gratitude. The survey is free, has 96 short questions, and takes about 10 to 15 minutes. It asks you to create an account with an email address, and it offers paid reports you do not need². Your top strengths can help you describe what you would bring to a shared household, and they are a warm way to start a conversation with a possible match.

4. Susan Cain's Quiet Quiz

Written by the author of the book Quiet, this short, informal quiz asks whether you lean toward introversion or extroversion³. It is not a research instrument, but it is quick and easy, and it can help you think about how you recharge: with people, or with quiet time on your own.

What about Myers-Briggs and 16Personalities?

Many people have taken a Myers-Briggs style test, which sorts people into one of 16 types, and the free 16Personalities quiz is especially popular. These can be fun and can start a good conversation. Researchers have long questioned how reliable they are, in part because many people get a different type when they take the test again⁴. If you enjoy them, use them as conversation starters, not as a basis for decisions.

Turning results into conversation

A result on its own does not help a possible match much. "I'm high in conscientiousness" means little over coffee. What helps is translating it into everyday life:

• "I'm a strong morning type" becomes "I'm up at 5:30, and I love a quiet kitchen until about eight."
• "I'm fairly introverted" becomes "I enjoy company at dinner, and then I like my evenings to myself."
• "Fairness is one of my top strengths" becomes "I'd want us to split shared costs in a way we both feel good about."

Our profile guide "Say what you do, not what you are" has more on turning labels into details.

Tools are for you, not for screening

Use these tools for your own reflection, and share your results only if you want to. Do not ask a possible match to take a test, or to share their results, as a condition of sharing your home. Personality questionnaires can touch on emotional health, which is private and may be protected under fair housing and disability laws. Talking about daily life, routines, and expectations is the fair and more useful way to get to know someone. If you have questions, read our guide "Choosing who lives with you, fairly," or ask a local fair housing organization.

A questionnaire cannot tell you who to live with. It can help you describe how you live, so the right person can recognize a good fit.

Conversation starters

If you are an adult child or friend helping an older adult think it through:

• "Want to try one of these together? I'll take it too, and we can compare."
• "Does this result sound like you? What would you change?"

If you are a home provider or home seeker talking with a possible match:

• "I'm a morning person. What time does your day usually start?"
• "After a long day, do you like company or quiet?"
• "What's something you're good at that you'd bring to a shared home?"

Last reviewed October 15, 2026