Family Caregivers: Sharing the Load

Imagine you are a dental hygienist in your 50s who drives to your mother's house three evenings a week and every Saturday. You have used most of your vacation days on her doctor visits. She wants to stay in the house she has lived in for 45 years, and you want that too. You are also tired.

Family caregiving is one of the biggest costs of staying home, and much of it is paid by the caregiver. This guide covers what caregiving costs in time, money, and work. It covers the programs that can help. And it shows how sharing the load can keep a parent at home and a caregiver working.

What family caregiving is

A family caregiver is anyone who helps a relative or friend with daily life because of age, illness, or disability. It is usually unpaid. The help can be rides and groceries. It can also be bathing, medicines, and talking with doctors.

It is common. About 63 million Americans, nearly 1 in 4 adults, provided ongoing care in the past year¹. Caregivers spend about 27 hours a week on it. Nearly 1 in 4 give 40 hours or more².

What it costs the caregiver

The costs are real, even when no bill arrives.

• Work. About 6 in 10 caregivers also have a job. Among working caregivers, 56% went in late, left early, or took time off. 18% cut back their hours and 16% took a leave. 9% stopped working entirely³.
• Money. In AARP's latest study of what caregivers pay themselves, they spent an average of $7,242 a year. That was about 26% of their income⁴.
• Days off. In September 2026, average hourly earnings for private-sector workers were $37.81⁵. That makes one eight-hour day off worth about $302 in wages.
• Skills. 55% of caregivers help with medical or nursing tasks, such as medicines or wound care. Only 22% got training for them³.

How the load is set

No one sends a caregiver a rate sheet. The load depends on the person's health, how far away the caregiver lives, and who else can help. About 40% of caregivers live with the person they care for. And 3 in 10 people receiving care outside a care facility live alone³.

When one person carries most of it, the load grows quietly. Sharing it, among family, friends, programs, and paid help, is what keeps it steady.

What shared care makes possible

When care is shared, a parent can often stay home longer. A caregiver can often keep working. A sibling takes Tuesdays. A neighbor checks in on weekends. A respite program, short-term care that gives the caregiver a break, offers a day to rest. Each piece is small. Together they can be the difference between keeping a job and leaving one.

Programs that can help

Rules and programs vary by state. Start with a call to find what exists where your family member lives.

• National Family Caregiver Support Program. This federal program pays for information, help getting services, counseling, support groups, caregiver training, respite care, and some extra services. It serves unpaid caregivers of people 60 and older. It also serves caregivers of people of any age with Alzheimer's disease or a related disorder⁶. Call the Eldercare Locator at 1-800-677-1116 to find your Area Agency on Aging and ask what it offers.
• Respite care. Respite can be planned ahead or used in an emergency. A national respite nonprofit has a respite locator to find programs near you⁷.
• Medicaid self-directed services. "Self-directed" means the person receiving care is the boss. In some Medicaid home care programs, they can hire, train, and supervise their own workers⁸. In a 2024 survey, every state that answered paid family caregivers in some cases. Rules limit paying spouses and some other relatives⁹. Ask your state Medicaid agency whether a family member can be paid.
• VA Program of Comprehensive Assistance for Family Caregivers. This is for veterans with a VA disability rating of 70% or higher who need at least six months of steady, in-person personal care. The main family caregiver may get a monthly payment and at least 30 days of respite a year. If they have no other health coverage, they may get it through a VA health plan for family members¹⁰. The VA Caregiver Support Line is 1-855-260-3274¹¹.
• Family and Medical Leave Act. Workers who qualify can take up to 12 weeks of unpaid leave in 12 months, and keep their job. The leave can be used to care for a spouse, child, or parent with a serious health condition. It can be taken in pieces when medically needed. You generally qualify if you have worked for the employer at least 12 months and 1,250 hours. Your worksite must have at least 50 employees within 75 miles¹².

Housing costs, such as repairs and utility bills, weigh on caregivers too. For help, see Help with housing costs, state by state.

What can change it

A hospital stay, a new diagnosis, or a caregiver's own health or job can change the load overnight. So can someone moving into the home. Is a spouse the one giving care? Our guide Sharing Your Home While You Care for a Spouse looks at how another person in the home can fit.

If rent from a room is part of the plan, read Will Sharing My Home Affect My Benefits? first. Some care programs count income or household size.

An extra set of hands

Another person can take some weight off a caregiver without becoming one. That might be a family member, friend, neighbor, or someone who shares the home.

• It keeps family roles intact. Say someone else is home when the plumber comes, or a volunteer drives to a routine appointment. Then the caregiver gets to be a daughter, son, or friend again, not only the one running the schedule. The parent keeps more say over their own days, too.
• It offers company. Someone to share dinner with on the nights the caregiver cannot come.
• It may offer peace of mind. In HomeShare Vermont's 2024 survey, 86% of home providers said they feel safer with someone sharing their home. And 46% said they could not live safely and comfortably at home without that person¹³.

To be honest about the evidence: those are the reported experiences of people in one program. No study we know of has yet measured whether a non-family person in the home lowers a family caregiver's stress. Many families say it helps. That is worth hearing, and it is not the same as proof.

Being present is not caregiving. Some care roles need training. Kidney dialysis at home, for example, is often done with a care partner. The patient and partner go through training with the care team¹⁴. Someone who simply lives in the home is not that partner. Help is optional and agreed in advance. Skilled or risky work, such as roofs, trees, electrical, plumbing, gas, and anything on a ladder above the first floor, belongs to licensed professionals. See Help Around the House Is Not Caregiving.

Watch for

• Help that drifts into care. A ride can become a medication reminder, then more. Talk about it before it happens.
• Caregiver burnout. Respite is not a luxury. It is part of keeping care going.
• Paid caregiver offers that sound too easy. Some companies promise to pay family caregivers. Before you sign up, confirm the program with your state Medicaid agency or Area Agency on Aging.

Conversation starters

If you are an adult child or friend talking with an older adult:

• "I want to keep helping. Can we find a few more people to share it with?"
• "Would you be open to a respite day now and then, so I can rest too?"
• "What help matters most to you, and what could someone else do?"

If you are an older adult talking with family or caregivers:

• "I don't want you to lose your job over me. Let's look at what else is out there."
• "I'd feel better if the help came from more than one person."
• "Can we call the Area Agency on Aging together and ask what they offer caregivers?"

Each piece is small. Together they can be the difference between keeping a job and leaving one.

Last reviewed October 14, 2026