What Do You Want in a Match? 10 Questions to Ask Yourself

Consider an example: a home seeker meets a possible match, likes her right away, and agrees to everything. A few weeks after moving in, he realizes he never asked himself how much quiet he needs after work, and neither of them raised it.

The clearest conversation with a possible match starts with a quieter one: the one you have with yourself. This worksheet gives you 10 questions to answer before you meet anyone. They work for home providers and home seekers alike. Answer honestly about how you actually live, not how you think you should.

How to use this worksheet

• Write your answers down. Print this page or copy the questions into a notebook, leaving a few lines under each one. Writing turns a vague feeling into something specific you can say out loud.
• Mark how sure you are. Write "sure" or "still thinking" next to each answer.

This worksheet is the step before sorting your deal-breakers. Once you have your answers, our guide "Pets, smoking, guests, and the thermostat" explains how to separate true deal-breakers from strong preferences.

The 10 questions

1. What do I want home to feel like at the end of the day? Quiet and restful, lively and social, or somewhere in between? Picture an ordinary Tuesday evening.

2. How much time alone do I need, and when? Some solitude every day, or company most evenings? Mornings, evenings, or weekends? Write down the hours that matter most to you.

3. What does my week actually look like? Answer for the life you live now. Early riser or night owl? Home all day, or out at work, school, or volunteering? Regular visitors or travel?

4. What do I need to feel like myself at home? Think about faith practices, family visits, a partner, cooking, music, holidays, or anything you would not want to hide.

5. How tidy am I, honestly, and how tidy do I need others to be? What does "clean" mean to you in a shared kitchen or bathroom? Which chores do you not mind, and which would you rather split?

6. How do I handle disagreement? Do I speak up right away, or do I need a day to think first? How would I want someone to bring a problem to me?

7. Which habits could I live with, and which could I not? Smoking, vaping, alcohol, cannabis, pets, overnight guests, and the thermostat all belong here. Write your first reactions, then sort them with "Pets, smoking, guests, and the thermostat."

8. What can I pay, or what rent do I need? Home providers: what rent covers your costs, and what if the room sat empty for a while? Home seekers: what can you pay each month, and what would you do in a lean month? If you are thinking about help around the house in exchange for lower rent, note it as a question, not a plan. Home sharing is housing. It is not caregiving, case management, counseling, or treatment. Trading help around the house for lower rent, or paying someone for help, can create employment, tax, and insurance obligations whether or not anyone intended it, so get advice before either of you agrees to it.

9. What kind of arrangement do I want? Friendly but independent, or more connected? How long do I hope a match lasts: a season, a year, or longer? Preferences about who a person is, such as age, sex, family situation, faith, or background, can raise fair housing questions, even when shared privately. Write down what matters to you, then read our guide "Choosing who lives with you, fairly," or ask a local fair housing organization, before you describe the person you hope to share with.

10. Why now, and am I ready? Write one sentence about why you are considering this. Then ask whether the timing, the energy, the money, and the space are there.

What to do with your answers

• Look for patterns. Which answers are marked "still thinking"? Those make good topics for early conversations with a possible match.
• Show them to one person who knows you well. Ask, "Does this sound like me?" They may notice what you left out.
• Turn answers into open questions. If you wrote "I need the house quiet by 10 p.m.," ask a possible match, "What does a typical evening look like for you?" instead of "Are you quiet?"
• Keep the page. Your answers can shape how you describe yourself, what you ask in early meetings, and what goes into your agreement.

When your answers surprise you

Sometimes this exercise confirms what you already knew, and sometimes it does not. For example, a home provider might discover that the hours she wants to herself cover most of the day, or a home seeker might realize the rent he can manage does not fit the area he wants to live in.

That is the worksheet doing its job. It may point you toward a different kind of match, a later start, or a different housing choice. Some people finish these 10 questions and decide they would rather keep living on their own. That is better learned on paper than a month after move-in.

The clearest conversation with a possible match starts with a quieter one: the one you have with yourself.

Last reviewed September 25, 2026