Holidays, Travel, and Time Away

Here is an example. In early November, the home seeker mentions she will spend three weeks with her daughter over the holidays. The home provider is glad for her, and then starts to wonder. Does the rent still come? Who brings in the mail? And, a quieter question: should he have invited her to Thanksgiving, and would she feel she had to come?

Time away and the holidays are ordinary parts of any household. In a home share, they go smoothly when both people have talked them through before the suitcase comes out.

Put time away in your agreement

A few lines in your written agreement save a lot of guessing later. Talk through and write down:

• Notice for trips. For example, a week's notice for trips of more than a few nights, when possible.
• Rent during absences. Usually rent continues while someone is away, because the room is still theirs. If you agree on anything different, write it down.
• Long absences. What happens if one person is away for more than a month, for a family emergency, a hospital stay, or a long visit? How will you stay in touch, and when would you talk about whether the arrangement still works?
• Using the room while someone is away. The home seeker's room stays theirs. It is not used for guests or anything else without their agreement, and subletting it is not allowed unless you have both agreed in writing.
• What the person at home will and will not do. Bringing in the mail and watering a plant are small courtesies. Caring for a pet for two weeks is a bigger ask, and should be offered, not assumed.

Before one of you leaves: a checklist

• Share your dates, and how to reach you while you are away.
• Confirm who the emergency contact is for each of you, and that it is written down somewhere easy to find.
• Decide who handles the mail. The U.S. Postal Service can hold mail at your post office for 3 to 30 days¹, or the person at home can bring it in.
• Agree on the thermostat setting while you are gone, especially in winter and summer.
• Deal with food in the fridge that will spoil, and your share of any groceries.
• Settle any pet, plant, or garden care, and write down the details.
• Pay any rent or bills that come due while you are away.
• Lock your room if you like, and make sure the person at home knows which doors and windows should stay locked.

When the home provider travels

Many home providers find it reassuring to travel knowing someone is living in the house. That can be one of the quiet benefits of a home share. But being present in the house is different from being in charge of it. If the home provider wants the home seeker to do more than usual while they are away, such as caring for a pet, checking on repairs, or letting in a contractor, ask first, and write down what was agreed.

If that extra help comes with a rent reduction or a payment, it can raise the same employment and tax questions described in our guide "Help Around the House Is Not Caregiving." Keep it small, or get advice first.

When someone is away for a long time

A long absence can come with no warning: a hospital stay, a family crisis, or a long visit with relatives. Keep each other's emergency contacts current, and agree ahead of time on who will be told what. If the home provider may be away for a health reason, our guide "Planning for the Hospital, a Move, or the End of Life" covers what the person living in the home needs to know, and what to plan for.

The holidays at home

The holidays can bring out the best of a shared home, and some of its tender spots.

• Invite without obligation. "You're welcome to join us for dinner on Thursday, and no hard feelings if you have other plans" leaves the door open without making anyone feel they must walk through it.
• Respect different traditions. You may celebrate different holidays, or none at all. Each of you can mark your own in your own way.
• Talk about the shared rooms. Decorations, a crowded kitchen, a houseful of relatives, or a party all affect the other person. Agree on dates and times ahead, and check your agreement's rules on guests. Our guide "Pets, Smoking, Guests, and the Thermostat" can help.
• Plan the kitchen. Two big holiday meals on the same day need some coordination: oven times, fridge space, and who cleans up.

When the holidays are hard

For people who have lost a spouse, are far from family, or are going through a hard year, the holidays can be lonely. The person you share a home with is not responsible for your holiday, and you are not responsible for theirs. A simple invitation, a shared cup of coffee, or a note that says "I'm around if you want company" can still mean a great deal.

If you or the person you share a home with is struggling with thoughts of suicide or is in emotional crisis, call or text 988, the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, any time.

"You're welcome to join us, and no hard feelings if you have other plans."

Last reviewed September 28, 2026